Short Thought

Day 106-

So after taking it easy yesterday and the day before, I went to PT today.  My therapist had me take it easy today since I’m still a little sore from that pop but I am much less pain that I was just a couple days ago.  I’ve been watching that one spot on my knee where the scar is pulling and even though I keep massaging it like I’ve been taught but it just doesn’t  seem to be loosening up.  I’m planning on keeping it easy again today when I get home.  So with that in mind, not really much else to discuss today.

Getting Back Up

 Day 105

Still in pain but feeling better so that’s a HUGE relief!  I was able to finally get a lot of sleep yesterday and today I’m still pretty tired.  I’m keeping pretty still and in bed with the knee up and still icing but it feels better.  I am walking better than I was yesterday and the pain has gone down a lot as well.  I am a little back and forth about PT tomorrow so I’m going to play it by ear and see how it goes.  But for today, I really do want to take it easy, not because it’s fun but so I can keep working out and to keep getting stronger and healthier.  I just feel like this is such a huge set back to be back laid up and back in bed all day again.  I guess that this ‘popping’ thing could happen again so I should be prepared but I don’t want to go through this again either.  Some days it seems that with every couple of steps forward, I take a tumble backwards and still have to climb back to where I was.

A Setback

Day 104-

Had PT today and I was doing quite well with the weights and working out when, POP! Wait for it… WOWA… PAIN, PAIN, PAIN!!  Eck… I could barely move!!  So right away, got me off the machine I was using at PT and back on one of the beds to feel around and see what happened.  After some feeling around, pokes and prods my Therapist determined that I simply popped some scar tissue.  Something I can look forward to still happening since there are still a couple of potential tight spots based on how the scar seems to be pulling and puckering.  So, since that happened my therapist decided to simply ice the knee and send me home since I made it through 99% of my workout anyways.  So home I am with ice packs on the top and bottom and I have to admit… I’m in tears here.  I haven't’ had a pain come through the knee like this since before surgery and I was hoping to never feel pain like this again but here it is.  It’s very hard to deal with and despite taking pain meds it's just not working to kill the pain… or even take the edge off.  In fact, it’s so bad and I’m gimping so badly that my fiancee even stayed home from work to care for me since he can’t believe how awful I feel today as well.  Here’s hoping that tomorrow is better.

Grocer Go-Kart

day 103-

Went grocery shopping today and I didn’t use on of those go-cart things in the store.  Granted, I went to a smaller grocery store but it was nice to not use it.  You know what I hate about those things the most… people who don’t really need them use them and then they half work.  I can’t even count the times where I’ve used one and then, in the middle of the store the damned thing died and I still had to walk but now I was in the middle of the store and had merchandise so it made it even worse.  So back to grocery shopping so I didn’t use the cart but I was a little slow and by the time I was finished I was a bit sore.  But again… at least I didn’t need to use the cart thingy and I was able to just lean on the regular shopping cart and I did pretty good.   And being able to go grocery shopping is one step towards trying to lose weight and get in better shape for the sake of the knee.  I have to be able to cook to eat better and by being able to go to the store it also makes me want to cook as well.  I’m hoping that me cooking and learning to cook is a positive that I can take away from this whole crazy year!

Inspiration

Day 102-

So I watch a lot of movies and TV with being laid up… there really is just no way not too when you are laid up.  Some days when you feel sore or sick or just straight up tired the TV is there, even if it’s just for noise while you drift in and out of sleep.  So while I was laid up the one day I watched “Soul Surfer”.  If you have never heard of this movie or the circumstances around it here is the synopsis:

                ” Soul Surfer is a 2011 American drama film about the life of surfer Bethany Hamilton. At the age of thirteen, Hamilton lost her arm to a shark attack. The film details the events surrounding this attack and her struggle during the aftermath” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_Surfer_%28film%29)

So it’s a good movie even though it gets a little preachy in parts (She’s very devote and after what happened to her, even more so… but then again, DAMN!! Who wouldn’t be after something like that!).  I first saw this movie the second week I was home from the hospital and all I did during the movie was cry and cry and feel sorry for the both of us.  I mean she lost her arm… I lost my knee, it was a stupid accident for both of us that it happened (there was no clues that day for her of a shark in the water), both of us didn’t think we could go back to doing what we truly loved.  So it hit me… hard.  However, I watched it again later as in when I could move around and instead of making me cry again it inspired me.  She had one arm but she figured out how to get back to what she loved and I have a feeling that I might be the same way.  I was even thinking that I might have to wear to different kinds of pointe shoes once I get back to that level.  Maybe a stronger one on my right foot and my usual one on my left but I figure that I’ll make it work… somehow.  Then, today I watched a documentary called “Ballerina” which followed 4 Russian ballerina’s and the one Prima Ballerina broke her FOOT!! And after 8 months of rehab and work… she was able to dance again and she had pins in her foot.  So I figure if she can dance on pointe with pins in her foot and she dances full time I think I will be fine for those couple hours a week that I dance it will just take work and patience and for my teacher (whom is also my friend) to work with me and be willing to help and encourage me.  But in watching both films it occurred to me that it's amazing what people can do when it comes to getting back to what they love and both films seem to be encouraging me and somehow telling me that this is merely a hiccup in my life... rather than life altering and it's that the point in the end?!