3 Months Out

Day 90-

So today is three months out since my surgery and there are a lot of thoughts that I seem to be having.  So I’m moving better and better with each day though part of it of course is the great weather making me feel better and more motivated.  I’m itching though to do thinks like ride my bike or walk or swim with the arrival of good weather.  I want to go outside and make my lawn look nice and do all the things that have been neglected because it’s too much for one person to do.  Then there’s the part of me that wants to be able to still hide in pants.  Then I was told that I should “get over it [the scar] because this self conscious crap is annoying”.  So I was put off by that but I’ve only had it for three months and we, meaning myself and the scar, have not come to terms with each other.  I’m proud of how far I’ve come in just this short amount of time and I don’t mind telling people about the surgery but showing it off is another thing.  Part of me feels though that since long skirts and dresses are still the fashion this summer I have some time to come to terms with it but it’s still hard.  But then I have to ask myself why it bugs me and even though I know the answer, and it’s a logical answer, I get mad with myself.  I’ve never been very vain though I have my moments but for some reason it’s THIS that upsets me so much.  To me, it’s a constant reminder of stupidity and loss and a life on hold.  Maybe I need to get some therapy… do they have therapy for that?!